fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Randomize
