Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
