It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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