jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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