Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
