Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
