its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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