Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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