new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
