I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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