I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
