I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
