what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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