So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
