Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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