Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
