My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
