We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
