i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
