she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
