So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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