I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
