No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
