she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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