boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
