His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
