Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
