When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
