I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
