I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
