yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
