i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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