someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
