:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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