My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
