why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
