I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
