Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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