Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
