If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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