If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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