my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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