We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
