Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
