I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
