just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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