id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
