i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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