after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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