I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
