I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
