Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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