Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
