if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
that is very illegal...i love you.
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