I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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