A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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