He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
