You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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