Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
