we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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