Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
